george carlin government doesn't care about you george carlin government doesn't care about you

I can't wait for some of these cities to disappear. Simple thing. Religion is just trying to control your mind, control your thoughts, so they're gonna tell you some things you shouldn't say because they're Smug, greedy, well-fed white people have invented a language to conceal their sins. Over the years, dozens of joke lists and rants have been forwarded around the internet and misattributed to George Carlin. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals? My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. And even if it's something that anyone would really want that much. An art thief is a man who takes pictures. It's all very confusing. And camcorders: here is technology gone berserk. We made the whole fucking thing up! Let's face it, we have very little to work with. Germany lost the Second World War. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the State houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. George Carlin, 63. We're all fucked. They all said: Try to live together peacefully. BAM! The CIA doesn't kill anybody anymore, they, I have certain rules I live by. The right wing's last line of defense on campus. Be happy with what youve got, because the owners of this country dont want that. George Carlin has many famous quotes about government, education and the American dream that are often referenced as truth. They're privileges. You have owners. We hadn't been into grass before, we were into gang fighting, and wine and beer in the park, and punching the shit out of people, and having jackets with your name, and your girls were your 'debs', and you had turf, and all that dumb shit, and we would get into fights over girlsand then pot came along and gang fighting went away. And the greatest arrogance of all: "save the planet." If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. 21. Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Now, you come along, and pray for something. And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. Pretty neat deal, huh? Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, 19. Fucking is legal. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. If he paralyzes Jack Tatum's son, that will be precisely ironic. Really. Go look for consistency in religion. Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Don't blame me. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. We can afford to cut defense; we cant afford to cut education. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, 22. It's true! But they take it too far, they take themselves too seriously, they exaggerate. Forget the politicians. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? It's interested in its own power. We won the big game today, yes sir!" 45. When you get to Wikipedia, in the search field for Wikipedia, I want you to type in ". No problem. Theres no present. Pointless careerism? ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. it simply doesn't give a fuck about you. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Huh? They don't fall out of the sky. You know? You dont see a chicken strapping some guy to a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? But he can't say, "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony, don't you?". "Hey! the government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. 40. And you know, I always wanted to work in a delicatessen just so that a woman would come in one day and ask me to. I'd like to begin by saying fuck Lance Armstrong. And, by the way, theres nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. They own all the important land. (p. 237), Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Ephraim Zimbalist Jr. (243). Must be another one of those "miracles.". Fewer Texans. Awfully sorry.. They call them the. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? A man in a hospital gown directing traffic. People who have large gums and small teeth. Everything He ever makes dies., 9. F*ck Hope. Same with religion. I think "spokesman" ought to be "spokesperson," I think "chairman" ought to be "chairperson," I think "mankind" ought to be "humankind." 44. The best (and funniest) George Carlin Quotes on politics, life & death and of course the American government There are over seventeen thousand golf courses in America. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity. It was stolen!" The sword of god, the blood of the lamb, 'vengeance is mine'; millions of dead motherfuckers. And athletes, athletes got into uppers, college athletes. For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. On Election Day, I stay home. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. Maybe this time it'll work. Because Im an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. So we keep ourselves limited. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. George Carlin Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. Original music by Dan Powell and Marion Lozano . Banana Republic ran out of khakis? 2. No, viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, E. Coli bacteria, the crabs. And don't let me be hit by a flying turd. But what's the alternative? Because chickens are decent people. Really? Thats what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. But, when it comes to changing the language, I think they [feminists] make some good points, because we do think in language, and so the quality of our thoughts and ideas could only be as good as the quality of our language. They will do anything for the unborn. That's the whole purpose of recording; to do it beforehand! But once you're born, you're on your own. I love the freedoms we used to have. You know why? Thats the problem., I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country., Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance., Forget the politicians. Happened like that. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. That's what's happening, and I can't wait for the sea levels to rise. Its only a piece of cloth. George Carlin, 75.The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful of insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. I love that. In this blog post, well take a look at some of Carlins most famous quotes on government. I think humans were given great great gifts: walking upright, binocular vision, opposable thumb, large brain We grew. Keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. I wouldn't be surprised if they came up with a birth control pill that doesn't work all the time; they'd call it "Baby Maybe"! People think it puts them above the fray. So he's gotta do everything he can to fuck the other guy a little bit faster and a little bit harder. You rarely see a bumper sticker that says 'Save the tumors'. Reminds me of something my grandfather would say. Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? The planet is fine. You don't wait thirty years. Here are some of our favorite George Carlin quotes on politics. That's what I say. You know what they want? We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Its never going to get any better. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Were so self-important. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. George Carlin- The official home of one of the most important and influential American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. Pack your shit, were goin away. Are these people kidding? People are fucking nuts. How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelet? Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. It is a coincidence. George Carlin was one of the most well-known and beloved comedians of all time. It's interested in its own power, that's the only thing, keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. You might get there on time, but, screw the company, those first twenty minute belong to you, right? Everyone's at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, 48. Two-hundred and twenty-five of 'em, so far! They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. They keep the lower and the middle classes fighting with each other so that they, the rich, can run off with all the fucking money! All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. George Carlin, 69. They try to divide the rest of the people. Don't let me be attacked by a maniac wearing a french tickler and a space helmet. - George Carlin. For twelve dollars. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. It simply does not give a fuck about you! So self-important. You might have noticed that I never complain about politicians. We are on a nice downward glide. And thenhitting it again! Two reasons: first of all, voting is meaningless; this country was bought and paid for a long time ago. George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. They dont mention anything about cursing a lack of candles. God? Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked." "Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. You voted them in. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. He'd say, "I'm goin' upstairs and fuck your grandmother." Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. Actor: Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. RT @WideAwake444: Government doesn't care about you. Little kids would be afraid of "the boogieperson". Dont look for it. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. Electricity is really just organized lightning. It's interested in it's own power. Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, 24. And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. George Carlin, 87. You don't have to be a history major or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy theory. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. You dont see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? George Carlin Quotes. Selling is legal. ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! That's generally been true. The difference between left and right of center originated in the French parliament. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it because youve lost your identity because you now owe your allegiance to this thing thats bigger than you are and that controls you. George Carlin, 71. Now Darryl Stingley's son plays football, and if the son should become paralyzed while playing, it will not be ironic. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, 46. This is what we have to offer. So at best the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. George Carlin was incendiary, he was hilarious, he was often the smartest dude (and biggest smartass) on the block, and he was a national treasure. 37. Two. Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. Rights aren't rights if someone can take them away. No nothing. These people were given. They want obedient workers. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin. A crazy person will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo, but he'll be wearing a Bugs Bunny suit at the time. It's a simple philosophy, but it's always worked in our family. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. I gave up on my countrymen. Yeah, usually they're already there. In the end, there are people who don't fit into the marketplace and are not equipped. Irony is "a state of affairs that is the reverse of what was to be expected; a result opposite to and in mockery of the appropriate result." You know how we got it? You don't see a chicken strapping some guy to a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? There are only two states an oven can possibly exist in: Heated or unheated! You know why? Elect me." Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they're not mine. This country is big-time pig time Change the bald eagle to a big bowl of macaroni and cheese. Overnight I became a sun-worshiper. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits.